For most of you that I haven't followed me, let me give you an update on my life. I played Division 1 volleyball for 4 years out of my college career and no, it wasn't all enjoyable. During this time, I learned just about everything there is to know about working out and what my body can take. Here are a few of those things:
- I have exercise induced Asthma
- I will never in my life be able to do a single pull up
- My legs are probably about 90% of my body weight... that's a lot
- I have extremely weak ankles that still hurt when I move them the wrong way
- My right shoulder is out of commission from anything strength inducing (post torn labrum struggles)
- I have exercise anxiety and a little PTSD from physical fitness, following some bad times I had during college athletics
Ok enough about me... let me tell you about exercising post college athletics, and for those of you who did not play sports in college, take this as a (what it's like to exercise right after new years) type blog, because it gets pretty interesting!
So many people... like so many.
I did not make it a new years resolution to start working out. Not going to lie, it just happened to me. The end of 2017 was pretty rough and right when this happened, a $1 for one month of gym classes promotion just happened to show up in my inbox, so I took it thinking "why not".
That being said, every class I have taken has been filled to the MAX with people I almost couldn't comfortably work out because I was bumping arms with everyone. I'm hoping it will settle down in the next few weeks, even though I go at a popular class time since I still have work.
I feel a little intimidated
I have been going to TruFusion for the past few weeks, taking everything from cycling to pilates to barre classes. I honestly was pretty intimidated when I first started classes which was crazy to me... I used to be an amazing college athlete and now I get scared heading into a pilates class? Mostly because I have never done these exercises before, didn't know what to expect, wasn't going with anyone and honestly... I tower over every little skinny 100 pound girl that shows up... but there are a few guys that show up so that makes me feel a little better.
I might feel more comfortable when I've been taking more classes for a while, but now I just feel like the loner who's showing up with all the other new years resolutioners trying to prove themselves.
But there's no reason I should be. Everyone is SO nice
When I tell you... I have met a new friend every time I've gone, I mean it. I literally feel like these people sense that I'm new or that there is something going on with me and they feel the need to talk to me. I've had so many people reach out saying "first time?", " have you done this before?", "are you excited for today?" and from there, we just hit it off until class starts. After class, we complain about how hard that was but how we still made it through and it's honestly... very therapeutic.
I have ended up pretty much telling my life story to a couple different women and have bonded over so many different things I can't even begin to tell you. I even briefly told this one girl what I was going through currently and she commended me on how I look so great and happy and confident to be going through so much in my life right now. She even tracked me down after I had left the gym to give me a few words of advice and tell me she's here for me... we just met! Some might have called her crazy, but it literally made my entire day and I already want to pay it forward to someone else.
The workouts are a LOT harder than I expected
Ok enough about bonding, back to the workouts.
Not D1 volleyball conditioning hard, but they're a different type of hard. They're just as mentally and physically exhausting as my college sport, but it feels... different. These are workouts I'm just not used to and that is tough. I'm used to playing a sport to workout and specifically knowing what I need to accomplish from other workouts like conditioning and strength training. The goal was to be a better athlete. I'm also used to being told what to do and following those orders in hopes to achieve that.
With these workouts, I get to make my own goals. I get to say to myself "I want better abs, slimmer thighs and skinny arms" and from there I can tailor my workout. I know exactly what I want to give more effort to, in order to achieve my goals, which makes it so much more enjoyable.
That being said, I'm still not used to them and it's frustrating. I'm not used to these techniques, building these certain muscles, the cardio, none of it. It's not something my body is accustomed to so I need to get acquainted with it. I'm used to being the best at what I do, and now I blend in to a crowd of sweaty people trying to do the exact same thing as me; not better, we're not competing, we're just, there to do it and to make ourselves better. It will definitely take some getting used to, but for now, it feels good to not be in the spotlight for once.
I'm also not used to all this peace and balance and calming and namaste crap... I'm sweaty, breathing hard, feeling like passing out and my eyelashes are falling off, this isn't peaceful.
But wait... I have to pay money for this?
^^^something every college student says post graduation about EVERYTHING. I haven't felt the real effect of it yet because the special I used was $1 for one month of unlimited classes. However, once that expires, it will be $100 for unlimited classes.... WHAT. I'm about to pay money, to make myself exhausted, sore, sweaty and to ruin my hair... I don't know how I feel about that quite yet.
It's probably pretty good for me right now
It's definitely strange going from the mindset of "I'm working out to be a better athlete" to "I'm working out to be a better me", but it's a weight lifted off my chest to know that I finally have control over my body. I'm no longer a machine being used for someone else's gain, I'm a human being and I'm doing this for me. It feels sort of like my blog does, that I finally have something for me and that is a great feeling.
As much as I love going to these classes some days, I'm honestly not sure if I can keep this up. I've stressed myself to the max filming every weekend, and editing every day after work that normally, I wouldn't have time for this. The only reason I did this for the past few weeks was because I took a break and didn't have anything to edit, post, or anything to do for my blog or Youtube channel. I want to start filming again soon, and maybe I'll stick to one video a week to limit my work load, but even that can take up so much time.
I do have more time for myself now, so I might be able to squeeze in more classes than I think, but maybe I just need take a step back and figure out what is really important. My blog and Youtube channel are everything to me. I've worked so hard to try to get to the quality that I want to be at, that I can't turn back now and don't want to turn back now. However, I do want to limit the stress I have in my life at least for a little bit, and even though it's fun, it can still be stressful.
I'm at a point in my life where I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going to live in a few weeks, no idea where my job is going, no idea where my Youtube is going, and I really just don't understand a lot of things anymore. My life has been turned upside down and I need to figure out all these little technical things before I can figure out where my passion is going. Unfortunately, that takes priority.
So will I stick with the working out every day after work? Maybe, maybe not. I do like the idea of getting new workout clothes, but if I have to choose between that and reviewing new Sephora products... well... you know makeup always has the number one spot on my list ;)
It means the world to me that you all read this and support me through this journey. I promise I'll be back soon with more videos, so don't leave me just yet ;) I love each and every one of you and I hope you all have started 2018 better and stronger than ever! It's been tough for me but having you all as my support system means more than you know, and it's only getting better from here :)